January 2009

Monthly Archive

January 20, 2009

vacuum

Posted by Sabrina under becoming me. again. | Tags: , |
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i did not come into this terrifying depression in a vacuum.
nor can i escape it.
but the nurse that ignored my cries for help as
“making too much noise”
is not the one i turn to daily.
i do not need her to hear me now.
i need you.
without you, i am scrambling up the sides of a steep slope
and falling back against the rocks.
and yet, with your hand in mine, i often find those same rocks
scraping at my cheeks.
when i beg for you to hear my words without judgment;
yet you take them apart and show me where i am still flawed.
when i turn to you for a smile, a hug, a show of support;
yet you can only tell me i should have acted as you would have.
when i am at my most wounded;
yet you pause only long enough to throw your salt -
i wonder if you can truly help me find my way out.
it is so hard for you-
to see the one you love hurting so.
and it only makes your pain worse -
to know how hard you work, every day,
when i can hardly hold my head up from sunrise to sunset.
yet it seems that when i need you most,
is when your hurt and resentment are beyond you,
and we are unable to be of any good to one another.
the good days are the easiest.
if i can smile at you,
over folded laundry and washed dishes,
you can know i still love you
and i have not gone away.
and then you can smile back.
but love and life do not exist in a vacuum of good days.
and i need to be allowed to show you my bad ones
without fear you will only make them worse.
or i will never find my way out of this
rock-strewn canyon of my depression.
 

January 20, 2009

a moment worth praying for

Posted by Sabrina under mrs. city momma | Tags: , , , , , , |
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1st: as those of you who know me are aware, i’m not a very religious person. but some things are absolutely worth praying for.
2nd: with all the big “firsts” in this inauguration, i fear many people are missing some  of the finer details. like this one:
It is widely known that President-elect Obama asked the first openly gay Episcopal Bishop, Rev. Gene Robinson, to be a part of the ceremonies. What is not known as well are the words the Bishop spoke as he delivered the invocation at Sunday’s We Are One inauguration concert.
This is one of the moments worth praying for.

“O God of our many understandings, we pray that you will bless us with tears –- tears for a world in which over a billion people exist on less than a dollar a day, where young women in many lands are beaten and raped for wanting an education, and thousands die daily from malnutrition, malaria, and AIDS.”

“Bless us with patience and the knowledge that none of what ails us will be fixed anytime soon, and the understanding that our new president is a human being, not a messiah.”

“Please, God, keep him (Obama) safe. We know we ask too much of our presidents, and we’re asking far too much of this one. We implore you, O good and great God, to keep him safe. Hold him in the palm of your hand, that he might do the work we have called him to do, that he might find joy in this impossible calling, and that in the end, he might lead us as a nation to a place of integrity, prosperity, and peace. Amen.”

with love,
sabrina